I was following purpose…
I have been struggling so hard with growing into my mid-twenties that I became lost in career, money, approval from the naysayers, mourning an ex, adjusting into a new city, friendship approval/comparison, and an overall need to prove something. I never took a step back to really weigh each step in my life against the weight of my purpose. In other words, I was not looking at life through the eyes of what the Creator may truly want for me. Thus, making s*** harder on myself.
Life is so much easier when you learn to trust and surrender to the simple notion that… “GOD’S GOT YOU!” No but forreal as connected as I can be to my purpose I still suffer from this irrational fear that EYE have to make it ALL happen by myself. My tiny human brain legit forgets that the creator is all knowing all seeing and always has MY best interest in mind. How silly is it to allow my sense of purpose to be wrapped up, confined, and burdened with the notion it can only exists if EYE create it.
Purpose is the hardest thing to trust sometimes. I am a controller and often times garner tunnel vision so deep that I forget what really matters….JOY. When I allowed my sense of purpose to become contained within boundaries I crippled myself and began thinking about purpose as some false notion that was impossible to obtain. I legit went months, and months, of looking at purpose disguised as lack. This spun into a worldview of worrying and obsessing about every detail and decision. I needed to make about my life. This is so unhealthy, and I charge any person reading this to reflect on the last time you really asked yourself, “Yo, are you good?”, “Are you happy?”, “When is the last time you did something to bring Joy?”
I guess pursuing purpose means trusting the process of becoming. Purpose can’t happen in one night. You cant create purpose on your own. And you cannot put constraints onto purpose. That’s literally telling the universe that you only want abundance on your terms and conditions.
Now, what a silly way to block blessings. Don’t you think?